Dawn of the Fangirls
by Agent HUNK
Summary: The sequel to Night of the Living Fangirls. When all the fangirls on earth attack, only a handfull of survivors are left. Trapped in the Leaf Village Mall by fangirls, it is literally every man for himself for the survivors as they fight for their lives!
1. Chapter 1

The nightmare begins anew! Yes, folks, this is indeed the sequal to "Night of the Living Fangirls"!

This is an anime based parody of "Dawn of the Dead". I do not own the rights to DOTD, or any of John A. Romero's works. In fact, I don't own anything, so please don't sue me!

Here's the story. All the fangirls on earth amass and try to glomp every "bishie" in existence. The Survivors band together and try to find a way to escape. Read the first story if you want to. It has little to do with this one, as they take place at the same time. Will your favorite character survive? Or will he be glomped to death by crazed fangirls?

To avoid confusion, here's some setting info.

Setting: Leaf Village Mall. Midnight.

Story: Fangirls are killing all the "hawt" anime guys.

Characters:

Naruto: Miato Gai, Shikamaru Nara, Zabuza Momochi, Haku.

Bleach: Ichimaru Gin, Hitsugaya Toshiro.

Devil May Cry: Dante.

Final Fantasy: Sephiroth, Cloud Strife, Vincent Valentine.

Um... Yeah... That's all for now! Other characters will show up as the story progresses. And maybe even a guest Author or two will show up. Maybe...

Copyrights: I don't own Dawn of the Dead, Naruto, Bleach, Devil May Cry, or Final Fantasy. So don't sue me, please!

Anyway, here's the first chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

Running. Running was not something Shikamaru liked to do. And yet here he was, doing it. Of course, he had a good reason to run. There was a mob of crazed fangirls chasing him, intent on glomping him to death, and he did not feel like dying in such a manner. It seemed painfull, and pain was troublesome. For some reason, it seemed that all the fangirls in the world had decided to attack at once. And boy, were there a lot of them. Hundreds upon thousands of them, in fact. There was no way to fight them, either. Shikamaru had watched his best friend Choji try to fight them off, only to be swarmed and defeated by the sheer number of them. His friend's screams of terror and agony would haunt him for the rest of his life. Now Shikamaru was running for his life, lost in the now desolate Leaf Village in the middle of the night. There were no other people in sight. Not any men, at least. 

Shikamaru was starting to grow tired. He wasn't used to running for so long or for such long distances. "I guess... I lost 'em... for now..." he panted as he staggered forward. His legs suddenly gave out from beneath him, and he found himself on his hands and knees gasping for breath. "Too tired... to go on... gotta rest..."

"THERE HE IS!!!" a shrill voice suddenly screeched. Shikamaru looked up to see several fangirls running towards him, their eyes glowing red and a creepy smile on their face. Arms outstretched, they raced forward, intent on glomping the life from him. "SHIKAMARUUUUU!!!!"

"What a drag..." Shikamaru sighed. He was too tired to flee. All he could do was sit there, be lazy, and wait to die.

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!!!!" a loud voice boomed. Out of nowhere, a blur of green and orange zoomed over Shikamaru and collided with the fangirls, killing them all instantly. When the dust cleared, Shikamaru found himself staring at the man who'd just saved his life: Gai Sensei. "How's Youth treatin' ya, Shikamaru?" Gai asked, striking a funky pose.

"Its being a bit troublesome..." Shikamaru grumbled. _Great. First fangirls, now Gai Sensei. Why must life be so troublesome_?

"I'm sorry to hear that! But lets skip to the chase! The fangirls are everywhere, and there are only a few places left to hide! Come with me if you want to live!" Gai flashed a heroic smirk and held out his hand.

"Um..." Shikamaru stared at the psychotic teacher. _Do I REALLY want to go with him?_

---------

Apparently the answer had been yes. Not long afterwards, Shikamaru found himself standing the food court of the Leaf Village Mall. Gai had managed to lead him there safely, avoiding the thousands of fangirls that now populated the streets of Konoha. Amazingly, they had not managed to get into the mall. But several other people had, and Shikamaru couldn't help but consider them stranger than the fangirls. "Soooo... Who are you guys?"

"I'm Zabuza, of the Village Hidden in the Mist," a tall and lanky man replied. He had a bandaged face, no shirt, and a 9-foot long sword resting on his shoulder. "And this is Haku," he gestured towards the silent white-masked and green-robed ninja standing next to him.

"Didn't Kakashi kill you two?" Gai arched a bushy eyebrow at the pair.

"Kakashi probably over-exadurated the story..." Zabuza shrugged. "I've heard he's a bit of a liar..."

"And you are?" Shikamaru turned towards the white-haired and red-coated man sitting at a table eating a whole pizza by himself. He'd already eaten half of it, and he was starting on slice number 5 when he was suddenly interupted.

"Me?" the man looked up from his pizza and stared at Shikamaru with piercing blue eyes. "The name's Dante. I'm a demon hunter. Now let me finish my pizza..."

"A demon hunter, you say?" Gai scoffed. "And what exactly do you hunt them with?"

"These..." Dante sighed, annoyed at the fact that he couldn't finish his freaking pizza. Reaching into his red jacket, he pulled out two freakishly huge handguns, one black, one white. " Ebony and Ivory. And of course, the sword on my back..." Sure enough, there was a 5-foot long sword strapped to his back.

"Why didn't I notice that sword before?" Gai mused to himself.

"Mine's bigger..." Zabuza muttered.

"Mine's better..." Dante coughed.

"And who are you guys?" Shikamaru turned towards the other people standing around.

"The name is Gin Ichimaru!" a white-haired and black-robed fellow bowed in a mannerly fashion. He was wearing a white jacket, had a small sword strapped to his waist, and for some odd reason had his eyes closed at all times. "I am a Soul Reaper, and Captain of Squad 3!"

"And I am Toshiro Hitsugaya," replied a young white-haired boy in the same garb as Gin. "I am also a Soul Reaper, and Captain of Squad 10!"

"Yeaaaahhh..." Shikamaru stared at the two Soul Reapers, whatever the heck those were. "Whatever..."

"What's a Soul Reaper?" Gai arched another bushy eyebrow.

"Something of a Grim Reaper. We take your souls to heaven for eternal happyness, or send them straight to Hell to burn forever. Does that make sense?" Gin smirked.

"Works for me..." Gai shrugged.

"And who are you three?" Shikamaru turned towards the remaining three men.

"My name is Sephiroth," replied a tall and scary looking man with long white hair, black clothes, and a huge katana resting on his shoulder. "And I kill people."

"The name's Cloud Strife," replied a blonde-haired and blue-garbed man next to him, who also had a large sword resting on his shoulder. "I try to kill him."

_What's with all the people with freakishly huge swords?_ Shikamaru thought to himself. "Okay, last person. Who are you?"

"Vincent Valentine," replied a dark-haired and red-clad man. An awkward silence followed.

"And what do you do?" Gai once again arched a bushy eyebrow.

"None of your business..." Vincent replied calmly.

"Okaaaayyy..." Shikamaru backed away slightly from the last 3 people. _Remind me to nominate those guys for the Mr. Happy Sunshine award..._

"So!" Gai suddenly clapped his hands together. "Anybody got any ideas on how to escape?"

"Escape?" It was Shikamaru's turn to arch an eyebrow. "From what?"

"From here! We're trapped by thousands of fangirls inside of a mall!"

"And I can't think of any better place to be," Zabuza shrugged. "We're relatively safe in here."

"Indeed," Gin nodded in agreement. "No fangirls. Plenty of supplies. Ample hiding places."

"And lots of pizza," Dante added as he tried to chew on a whole slice of pizza at once. "Gah!" he gasped once he finally got it down. "Yeah, I'm up for staying here... All else in favor, raise your hand!"

Everyone raised their hand, even Gai. "Alright, I understand. We'll stay here..." he relented. "But for how long?"

"Until the fangirls get in, I suppose..." Shikamaru shrugged.

"And how long until then?" Cloud asked.

"Ummmm..." Dante looked across the food court at the entrance of the mall. The doors were locked, and several benches and tables had been piled up to barricade them shut. It seemed to be doing a good job of holding back the fangirls, which were pressing against the doors en masse. As far as the eye could see, fangirls were marching towards the mall, almost like zombies. "Hmmm..." Dante scratched his chin. "Yah, I'd say we've still got awhile..."

"Great!" Gai exclaimed happily. "How long is awhile?"

"15 minutes!" Dante grinned, flipping the safety off of his two guns before returning to his beloved snack. "Now let me eat my friggin' pizza!"

* * *

And there you have it. The first chapter in my newest work of madness. Will the Survivors fall prey to the fangirls? Or will they survive their encounters with pure evil? And how many _other_ survivors are there? Will any more show up? Only time will tell the answers to all of these questions... 

Thanks for reading this story! I hope you enjoyed it! Now be nice and review it, please!

-Agent HUNK


	2. Chapter 2

Sweet, people like this story! I'm glad you're all enjoying it so far. Remember, if you have any ideas or character requests, don't be afraid to let me know!

Lets see how bad things can get for the Survivors...

Okay, to make things clear, this is just your normal type of mall. Bottom floor with plazas and food courts, and second floor which is kinda like one big balcony overlooking the bottom floor. I'm sure you've all been to malls before...

* * *

"So we've got 15 minutes until they break down the doors?" Shikamaru stared at the white-haired demon hunter. "What are we supposed to do?" 

"I'm just going to eat my pizza. You guys can go do whatever you feel like doing..." Dante shrugged, now annoyed at the fact that they wouldn't leave him alone.

"I have an idea!" Gai suddenly blurted out.

"What?" most of the men asked in unison.

"Lets place bets on who dies first!" Gai suddenly exclaimed, whipping a notebook and some money out of his vest.

Everyone stared at Gai, somewhat shocked by what he'd said. Then several of them reached into their pockets and pulled out handfulls of cash. "Okay, sure..." they all agreed.

"My money's on Dante..." Zabuza chuckled as he handed Gai several hundred dollars.

"And what makes you think they'll come after me first?" Dante scoffed as he finally got to the last slice.

"You've got white hair, which fangirls seem to dig, you've got the whole "Oooh, I'm so bad!" thing going, plus you're a half-demon, and of course, you're shirtless..." Zabuza pointed out. Oddly enough, Dante didn't have a shirt on. Just a long red jacket and some brown pants.

"Yeah, well, you're shirtless, too! So I'm going to bet you die first!" Dante growled as he stuffed the last slice of pizza into his mouth.

And so, the next few minutes went by with everyone placing stupid bets on who they thought would die. Just as Gai was finishing up adding everying together, a loud noise caught everyone's attention.

**_CRASHHHH._**

"What was that?" Shikamaru looked up.

"Oh, right, I forgot to tell you... 15 minutes is up..." Dante shrugged.

"Uh oh..." most of the men said in unison.

Sure enough, the barricade had finally given way. The doors flew open, and a wave of screaming fangirls raced into the food court. "BISHIEEEEES!!!!" they all screamed, running towards the men with their arms outstretched.

"Yeah, um... I think now would be a good time to run..." Shikamaru suggested as he got up from his chair.

"Nonsense, we can fight them off!" Gai exclaimed with a flashy smile and a hero pose.

"Um, no we can't. So unless you want to have every bone in your body crushed, I'd suggest you run..." Dante explained as he got up from his table and dusted himself off.

"I'm going upstairs!" Zabuza exclaimed, grabbing his sword and running for the nearest escalator.

"Why?" Shikamaru asked.

"Most fangirls lack common sense. They're too stupid to climb stairs. Usually..." Dante replied, chasing after Zabuza.

"Wait for me!" Haku yelled, following the two men.

"Pfft, pansies..." Cloud scoffed at the men as he drew his sword. "I'll show them how it's done..."

"Cloud, you're my friend and everything, but you're on your own on this one..." Vincent sighed as he turned to walk away.

"Those fangirls are taking a long time to reach us..." Shikamaru scratched his chin.

"They're taking their time for dramatic effect..." Dante replied. "They think this is all one big badly written story or something..."

"Bye bye!" Gin Ichimaru suddenly waved before _jumping_ up to the second floor of the mall.

"See ya!" Toshiro Hitsugaya followed suit soon afterwards.

"I'm going upstairs. I think there's a pizza shop up there..." Dante smirked as he started to walk towards the escalator. "You'd be wise to follow me..."

Now it was just Gai, Shikamaru, Cloud, and Sephiroth left. The fangirls were closing in fast, and soon there would be no chance of escape. "Shikamaru, there comes a time in a man's life when he must make a life or death decision!" Gai turned towards his fellow shinobi. "Do you-"

"Whatever, lets just run!" Shikamaru didn't feel like listening to one of Gai's funky rants.

"That's the spirit!" Gai gave a thumbs up before dissappearing into a puff of smoke and taking Shikamaru with him.

"Pansies..." Cloud scoffed.

"They aren't worth killing..." Sephiroth muttered as he turned to slowly walk away.

"PANSY!!!" Cloud yelled. "I knew I was better than you Sephiroth! Watch, I'll take on all of these fangirl and-"

TEN SECONDS LATER

"**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" **

On the second floor of the mall, Dante, Gin, and Zabuza watched over the railing in morbid interest as Cloud was torn to pieces.

"Oooooh, there go the arms..." Gin shook his head. "Those should fetch a nice price on Ebay..."

**"SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP MEEEE!!!!"**

"Oh look, he's trying to run!" Zabuza chuckled. "He won't make it far with one leg, though..."

"Perhaps I should put him out of his misery?" Dante drew one of his pistols. "This is painfull to watch..."

A small silence followed. In unison, the three men shook their heads. "Nah..."

**"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"**

Across from them, Gai, Shikamaru, and Haku were watching as well. "Sucks for him..." Haku pointed out.

"What a drag..." Shikamaru sighed, resting his elbows on the railing and holding his head in his hands. "Trapped in a mall by rabid fangirls... And I'm trapped with a bunch of psychopaths, to boot..."

**"GET THEM OFF OF ME!!! PLEEEEEASE!!!"**

"Oh, Shikamaru, try to look on the possitive side!" Gai exclaimed with a big shiny grin. In fact, his grin was so shiny that it blinded Zabuza and Dante all the way across from them.

"MY EYESSSS!!!!" Zabuza howled, clawing at his face.

"I CAN'T SEE!!!" Dante yelled, flailing his arms wildly. "WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

"Hm..." Gin looked from side to side at the two blind men. "Havings one's eyes closed at all times tends to pay off..."

**"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYY?!"**

"Poor Cloud..." Vincent shook his head. He was perched atop a bench next to the escalator next to Sephiroth and Toshiro. "He never stood a chance..."

"He always was a fool..." Sephiroth pointed out.

"Wow, you guys aren't being very respectfull. You're friend is being glomped to death..." Toshiro scolded the two men. Vincent and Sephiroth stared at the boy for a few seconds. They then just shrugged and went back to watching the carnage. "I'm sure he would have been upset if you guys had died!"

"No, he actually wants to kill me, remember?" Sephiroth smirked.

"I never liked the guy, anyway. He cheated on his girlfriend, didn't care about anybody but himself, and his haircut sucks..." Vincent grumbled.

"Is he dead yet?" Toshiro suddenly asked. "He stopped screaming..."

"I dunno..." Vincent looked back down at Cloud. "HEY CLOUD, ARE YOU DEAD YET?"

**"NO!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME PLEASE!!!" **

"No, he's still alive..." Vincent shrugged.

"I guess that's why the fangirls aren't coming up here yet..."Toshiro muttered. "As long as he's alive, they'll ignore us..."

"I wonder where I put those healing potions..." Vincent suddenly started checking his pockets.

* * *

Will somebody save Cloud? Will the fangirls find a way upstairs? Will Dante and Zabuza's vision return? Will Vincent remember where he put those healing potions? Will I ever stop asking questions? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!!!

Thanks for reading! Review, please!

-Agent HUNK


	3. Chapter 3

Hey, should I make a forum for this? Somebody suggested it, and I think it might be a good idea... Yay or nay?

Also, should I write a "Night of the Living Fanboys" when this is all said and done? A lot of people are asking for it, but I don't see it working out as well... There aren't many fanboys on this site, compared to fangirls at least. So yeah, yay or nay?

Anyway, here's the next chapter. I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

About 20 minutes had passed since the fangirls had broken into the mall. Not much had occured since then. Vincent had found his healing potions, and was now putting them to good use, keeping Cloud's mangled body alive in order to keep the fangirls busy. Dante had regained his vision, and was now searching the top floor for a pizza shop. Meanwhile, Zabuza's vision was still a tad blurry.. He had spent several minutes telling a long and detailed joke to Haku, only to discover that he was talking to a potted tree. Sephiroth was lurking in a nearby hairstyle store, searching for his favorite brand of styling gel. And Gai, Gin, Shikamaru, and Toshiro were trying to figure out a plan to either escape or get the fangirls out of the mall. 

"Okay, we need to either find a way to a safer location, or drive the fangirls back out the doors! Any ideas?" Gai flashed another heroic smile, which resulted in severals screams from Zabuza and Haku's direction.

"We could use somebody as bait, perhaps..." Gin smirked wickedly.

"No, we need to save as many innocent lives as possible!" Gai exclaimed, clenching his fist in determination. "Too many of our comrades have already perished! Are we really willing to sacrifice the lives of our fellow men in order to save ourselves?!"

"I know I am..." Dante muttered through a mouth-full of pizza as he suddenly strolled up to the group, arms ladden with cardboard pizza boxes. "Last meal, anyone?"

"We could use force to drive them back..." Toshiro suggested. "If we kill enough of them, maybe they'll retreat?"

"Fangirls don't retreat. They only advance. You can kill them by the thousands, and you'll still never get anywhere. For every one you kill, three take her place..." Dante explained stoically as he munched on his favorite food.

"Pray tell, how do you know so much about these things?" Gin asked suspiciously.

"I'm smart..." Dante shrugged. "I just know these things..."

"Maybe we could distract them?" Shikamaru suddenly spoke up. "Maybe trick them into leaving?"

"That's the spirit, Shikamaru!" Gai exclaimed with a thumbs-up. "Asuma was right about you being smarter than you look!"

"Thanks, I- hey, wait, what?" Shikamaru realized that there was an insult in that compliment. "What do you mean smarter than I look? Do I look stupid or something?"

"Well, all you do is lay around and complain," Gai shrugged. "You really don't do anything productive."

"That's because I'm lazy!" Shikamaru snarled. "Lazy doesn't equal dumb!"

"CAN WE FOCUS ON THE PROBLEM AT HAND?!" Toshiro suddenly screamed out. Naturally, everyone turned to stare at the nromally quiet Soul Reaper. "Um... heh... yeah... Lets work on the fangirls for now, okay?"

"Whatever..." Gai and Shikamaru shrugged in unison.

"So how do you suggest we distract them?" Dante arched an eyebrow at the lazy shinobi.

"Hmmm..." Shikamaru's eyes suddenly lit up. "I have an idea!"

------

"So... let me get this straight..." Haku stared up at the group of men surrounding him. "You want to use me as a distraction?"

"Yep," Shikamaru replied.

"By dressing me up as a girl?" Haku asked.

"Yep," Shikamaru replied.

"And seeing if I can convince them to leave?" Haku was unsure if he'd heard the last part correctly.

"Yep," Shikamaru replied.

"Oh. Okay... Um... NO!!!" Haku yelled. "I am NOT dressing like a woman, and I am NOT going out there with those things!"

"But you already look like a girl, anyway!" Dante exclaimed.

"Yeah, there's a difference in naturally looking like a girl and dressing up for the part!" Haku growled. "I'm not doing it!"

"Haku..." Zabuza suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders and looked him in the eye. "You've been with me through thick and thin. You've bailed me out of countless bad scenarios. You've served as my ultimate weapon for many years. And you've never let me down... Except against Kakashi, but lets pretend that never happened... So please, do this for us."

"Um, **no**..." Haku replied bluntly.

"Do it and I'll aknowledge your humanity!" Zabuza's voice took on a fatherly tone.

"REALLY?!" Haku nearly jumped for joy.

"Yep!" Zabuza replied jovially. "Who knows? Maybe I'll give you... like... a hug... or something..." Zabuza didn't sound as enthusiastic on the last part, but Haku didn't notice. Or maybe he did, but just didn't care.

"OKAY!!!" Haku yelled merrily.

"Excellent!" Shikamaru grinned wickedly. "Do your job, Sephiroth!"

Out of nowhere, Sephiroth grabbed Haku by the neck and started dragging him towards a beauty parlor. "Oh, I simply must do something with your hair..." he shook his head at the boy's appearance.

"That man knows too much about hair care..." Gai shook his head in disgust, thoroughly disturbed by this turn of events.

"I thought he was a chick when I first saw him..." Dante muttered.

"Who, Sephiroth?" Gai asked. "Or Haku?"

"Both of them, actually..." Dante shuddered.

"Hey guys..." Vincent suddenly walked over to the gathering of guys. "You might want to prepare for the worst. I ran out of potions... and Cloud stopped screaming..."

"Meaning?" Gai frowned.

"We've got about 5 minutes before they realize Cloud's dead and come after us..." Vincent replied.

"Oh... well... SEPHIROTH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO SPEED IT UP A BIT!!!" Gai screamed.

"YOU CAN'T RUSH PERFECTION!!!" was the reply he got.

"Yep, he's wierd..." Dante grumbled.

"Who, Sephiroth?" Shikamaru asked. "Or Gai?"

"Both of them, actually..." Dante smirked.

* * *

I know, not much action in this one. I just had to set up a few jokes for later. Don't worry, the next chapter will be better.

Thanks for reading! Please review!

-Agent HUNK


	4. Chapter 4

Okay folks, here's chapter 4. I'll make a forum when I get around to it, and the Fanboy story will not be written. Somebody else can write it if they feel like it, though. Thanks for your votes and input.

Now lets see some carnage!

* * *

"Gentlemen, behold! PERFECTION!!!" Sephiroth exclaimed in a Doctor Wierd-esque manner, stepping out of the doorway to the hair salon and revealing the made-over Haku. 

"Hi..." Haku waved meekly. To put it simply, he looked like a chick. Even more so than normal. His hair had been curled, he was wearing make-up, and he had on a grey kimono with black crane patterns on it.

"Dude, he looks like a lady..." Dante was a bit creeped out by the transformation.

"That's the plan..." Shikamaru smirked. "Now, Haku, all you have to do is go down there and convince the fangirls to leave."

"No problem!" Haku smirked. He walked past the guys, down the escalator, and up to the crowd of fangirls that were clamouring about and around Cloud's lifeless corpse. "Um... Hi, girls. What's up?"

Dead silence followed. All the fangirls turned to stare at them. Some of them narrowed their eyes, while a few of them even growled. "Is she one of us?" a few of them whispered amongst themselves.

"Uh..." Haku realized that he was about to get dismembered by a crowd of angry chicks. He had to think fast, and say something smart. Something that they would believe... "OH MY GOSH!!!" Haku suddenly wheeled around and pointed up at the guys. "BISHIEEEES!!!"

"WHERE?!" all of the fangirls looked up at the guys. "BISHIEEEEES!!!"

"NO YOU FOOL, DON'T POINT US OUT!!!" Gin yelled, waving his arms wildly.

"NO HUG FOR YOU!!!" Zabuza snarled.

"Um..." Haku tried to think of something to say in order to redeem himself, but couldn't come up with anything. So he just shrugged and walked away. "Later, dudes..."

"TRAITORRRRR!!!" Dante howled angrilly as the cross-dresser left them to die.

"Living traitor!" Haku smirked as he walked out the doors of the mall. And so, Haku escaped.

Meanwhile, the fangirls had discovered something that spelt disaster for the Survivors: How to ride up an escalator. "WEEEEEEE!!!!" they cheered as the mechanical machine brought them up towards their prey. "WEEEEE-"

**_Click._**

"Sorry, its guys only up here!" Dante smiled as he hit the emergency escalator stop button.

"Awwwww..." the fangirls groaned as the machine ground to a halt, with the ones in front only three steps away from the 2nd floor.

"Well, my work here is done..." Dante shrugged. He then went back to his pizza fort. It seemed that he'd found enough pizza shops to supply him with a life-time supply of food, and with the empty boxes he'd built a pizza box fort. "My fort..." he grumbled, noticing all the guys staring at him from outside the sanctity of his carboard fortress.

"Wow, I'm glad they're too stupid to climb stairs..." Vincent sighed as he watched the fangirls stand there dumbly on the halted escalator.

**_Ding._**

"What was that?" Gai arched a bushy eyebrow.

"It came from over there..." Sephiroth pointed a few stores down. It seemed that sandwitched between Bob's Books and Ron's Radios was an elevator.

"Uh oh..." all the guys said in unison as the doors slid open.

"BISHIES!!!!!!!!" came a loud roar from within the elevator. Insantly, a wave of fangirls came rushing out of it, their eyes glowing red and their arms outstretched towards the terrified men.

"How'd they fit thirty fangirls in one elevator?!" Toshiro couldn't believe his eyes.

"Fangirls ignore the laws of physics," Dante replied from his pizza box castle. "And the English language..."

"I think now would be a good time to RUN FOR OUR LIVES!!!" Gai screamed, suddenly turning around and sprinting away, leaving all the other guys behind.

"WAIT FOR ME!!!" Shikamaru took off after him.

"ME, TOO!!!" Toshiro followed suit, as well as Vincent, Zabuza, and Gin.

---

A few minutes later, the Survivors found themselves sitting in the central plaza of the Konoha Mall. It was desolate and empty, with no sign of any fangirls. Or other humans, for that matter. In the center of the plaza was a large fountain, surrounded by benches, chairs, and a few small store booths. A large glass sky-light was also on the ceiling over the fountain. They guys where all siting on the benches. "Okay, casualty report..." Shikamaru panted as he sat down on the edge of the fountain, out of breath from running so far.

"Lets see..." Gai did a quick headcount. He, Shikamaru, Toshiro, Gin, Zabuza, and Vincent where all there. But two people where missing. "Where are Dante and Sephiroth?"

"They're dead," Gin replied. "I looked over my should as we ran, and I saw-"

"Wait, how'd you see anything if you've always got your eyes closed?" Zabuza suddenly interupted him.

"I have my ways. Mind your own business, and don't interupt others when they are talking," Gin remarked smartly. "Ahem. As I was saying... Dante, convinced that his pizza fort was inpenatrable, stayed behind. The fangirls broke through with ease, and he was swarmed. Sephiroth was determined to protect his favorite hair salon. I didn't see what happened, but his screams of agony told all that there was to tell. So now we're two men short. Three, if you count that traitor Haku..."

"Fanastic..." Vincent remarked in his usual stoic manner.

"So what do we do now?" Toshiro asked, looking back and forth at his comrades.

"What _can_ we do?" Shikamaru asked, completely out of ideas. "Wait to die!?"

"There are worse things than death..." Vincent answered.

"Yeah, dying isn't so bad..." Zabuza shrugged.

"And how would you know that?" Shikamaru asked sarcastically.

"I don't want to talk about it..." Zabuza grumbled.

**_KRASSSHH!!!!_**

"What was that?!" all the Survivors suddenly looked up at the ceiling as glass rained down upon them. Several ropes dropped down through the shattered sky-light, and a few seconds later a man came sliding down. The Survivors all stood staring in confusion as the man repelling down the rope landed.

**_Splash._**

"CRAP!!!" he howled as he landed in the fountain. "I just polished my boots!" The man was wearing a green uniform, a black bullet-proof vest, a black ski mask, a green helmet, orange goggles, and very wet boots. He also had an AK-47 in in his hands, several grenades strapped to his vest, and a military radio on his back.

"Who are you?" Gai stared at the man in shock.

"Huh?" the man looked up at Gai and the other Survivors. "Oh, right. The name's TSS. I'm an Author, and I'm here to rescue you."

* * *

Ah, the cavalry has arrived... Is TSS really there to save him? Is he the only rescuer? What really happened to Dante and Sephiroth? Did Haku really betray them all? Why do I keep asking dumb questions? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!!!

Thanks for reading, now please review!

-Agent HUNK


	5. Author's Note!

Hello and goodbye. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I must put all my writing on hold for the next 2-3 weeks. In fact, I won't be on the internet at all for the next 2-3 weeks. So nobody spaz out and think I've left my stories to die. Ha hah... I'm sorry if you've been waiting this long for an update, but it looks like you've got to wait even longer now! See you all in half a month!

-Agent HUNK


	6. Chapter 5

Ah, sorry for the long delays. I had a lot of personal issues, and I've been quite busy with some other things. Also, Writer's Block is a pain in the keyboard...

So yeah, lets see. Uh... I'm going to try something different in this chapter. Lets see if I can get two story arcs going at once!

SURVIVOR GROUP 2 CONSISTS OF:

**Auron **(_Final Fantasy X, Kingdom Hearts 2_. Dude in red robe who wields a sweet katana. Words cannot describe his coolness...)

**Asuma **(_Naruto_. Bearded Shinobi who smokes a lot. Fights with Trench Knives, which are cool. I saw some in a store once...)

**Big Boss **(_Metal Gear Solid. _Big Boss is the Walker Texas Ranger of video games. I have some jokes planned for him...)

**Leon Kennedy** (_Resident Evil_. Gasp! The blonde secret service agent from Resident Evil 4 is going to show up! He won't stand a chance!)

**Tucker** (_Red Vs. Blue._ A guy in teal colored SPARTAN-II Mark IV battle armor from Halo. He's a perv. Should be interesting...)

**Caboose** (_Red Vs. Blue. _A guy in blue armor similar to Tuckers. He's a bit... off. In several ways... You'll see...)

That seems like a good enough amount of bait- I MEAN, survivors... Heh heh.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy, Resident Evil, Naruto, Walker Texas Ranger, Red Vs. Blue, et cetra, et cetra. I OWN NOTHING, DANGIT!!!

* * *

"Seems clear..." grunted a gruff voice from behind a stone column near the Northern entrance to the Konoha Mall. A few seconds later, a man in green camo fatigues dove out from behind it, rolled across the floor, and jumped to his feet. He had a pistol in one hand, and a knife in the other, and was holding them both together in a rather cool fashion. He had medium-length brown hair, a beard, a bandana wrapped around his head, and an eyepatch over his right. And he was smoking a cigar, as well. It was none other than Big Boss, star of Metal Gear Solid 3! "Yep, no hostiles." 

"Strange," commented another man who walked out from behind another pillar. He had short salt and pepper hair, a scar across his left eye, sunglasses. and a red robe on. His left arm was resting inside his robe; the left sleeve hung limply at his side. And in his right hand he held an 8 foot katana, which was at the time resting on his shoulder. Clearly, this was the famed Guardian known as Auron, from Final Fantasy X. "There should be Fangirls everywhere..."

"Hmph..." scoffed a third man, who crawled out from behind yet another pillar. He had medium-length blonde hair, blue eyes, and a small scar across his right cheek. He was wearing dark blue pants, a black t-shirt, and a bullet-proof vest. He also had what appeared to be a fanny pack on. Other than a knife strapped to the front of his vest, he appeared unarmed. Apparently, Leon Kennedy had gone from fighting zombies in Resident Evil to fighting Fangirls in... here. "Maybe they decided we were too good at playing Hard to Get?"

"Your jokes suck," Snake sneered as he holstered his weapons.

"I'm sure your's blow just as bad..." Leon smirked.

"Shut up, both of you," Auron bluntly stated. "This is no time to be acting like fools."

"Where are we anyway?" Snake asked, looking around at his surroundings.

"A mall, I think," Leon replied.

"Really? I hadn't noticed that..." Snake rolled his eyes. Um... Eye.

"Shut up. Don't even start it. We're in a mall. I think we're in a department store. Most likely the women's wear..." Auron explained.

"Really? How can you tell?" Leon arched an eyebrow.

"Just a hunch..." Auron shrugged as he pointed at a rack of women's underwear. "Wait, what was that noise?"

"What noise?" Leon narrowed his eyes, and slowly began to look around.

"I heard something..." Auron replied as he casually walked over to another pillar in the store. After a few seconds, he suddenly heaved his katana off his shoulder and quickly sliced through the concrete structure several times in the blink of an eye. The concrete quickly crumbled away, revealing a person in full suit of futuristic armor holding a machine gun. His armor was dark blue, his visor was a vivid orange and the machine gun he held was black, with a scope on it. "Who are you?"

"I'm just going to shut... my eyes..." the man replied in a slow and deliberate manner, his voice monotone. "Maybe, if I can't see them... They can't see me!"

"Uh, Caboose, it doesn't work that way..." somebody whispered from behind another concrete pillar. (Have you ever really seen how many of those things there are in a department store? Well, probably not as many as I'm describing. But maybe its just a big store?)

"Come out from behind there..." Auron growled, pointing his sword over the shoulder of the man in blue armor.

"Gulp..." Caboose slowly began to inch away from the blade.

"Okay, okay..." Moments later, a man in armor much like Caboose's, only brightly teal, stepped out from behind the pillar. "Hi. The name's Tucker. I'm with the Blue Army, and I- Oh, panties! Bow chika bow wow!" he exclaimed, suddenly noticing all the women's underwear around him.

"Hey chika boom boom!" Caboose added.

"I told you not to say that! Bow chika bow wow is my thing!" Tucker yelled.

"I'm sorry..." Caboose whimpered. "Jerk..." he grumbled under his breath.

"What was that?" Tucker cocked his armored head to the side.

"Nothing!" Caboose exclaimed, hastily running behind Auron and grabbing onto him. "Hide me from Tucker! He's a big meanie!"

"Um... Who are these people?" Leon was utterly dumbfounded by the current conversation.

"Tucker and Caboose," answered yet another unknown voice. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a man in a Leaf Village shinobi vest appeared in the center of the rag-tag group of survivors out of a puff of gray smoke. He had black hair, a beard, and an unlit cigarette in his mouth. "Didn't you pay attention to them?"

"AH! A NINJA!!!" Caboose yelled, diving for cover behind a scantily clad dummy.

"He's not a ninja!" Tucker corrected his comrade. "He's got a beard! Ninjas don't have beards. So he's obviously a pirate!"

"Timber me shivers!" Caboose exclaimed.

"Other way around. And I'm a ninja. The name's Asuma..." the man explained.

"See, I was right! Take that, Tucker!" Caboose laughed.

"These people are insane..." Big Boss could only shake his head and casually smoke his cigar as the insanity around him grew more bizarre by the moment. "You'd think this was just some sort of camping trip or something..."

"Oh, I love camping!" Caboose suddenly ran over to Snake. "We can build a fire! And sing songs! Coooooom-byyyyyyyy-yaaaaaa! Booom-kiiiiiiii-laaaaaaaa... Hey chika boom boom."

"CABOOSE!!!" Tucker snarled.

"CHURCH DID IT!!!" Caboose yelled, running for cover.

"Okay, that's enough!" Auron suddenly yelled, causing everyone to freeze. "We need to stop acting like fools, and start looking for a way to escape this nightmare!"

"Escape? Ha!" Leon chuckled, leaning up against a table which had a swimsuit model dummy standing up on it. "There aren't any fangirls around here."

"Oh really?" Auron arched an eyebrow.

"Really."

"Then look behind you..."

"Hm?" Leon looked over his shoulder. What had once been a plastic dummy was now a flesh and blood person. And that person was: A FANGIRL!!! "Oh wow, this is about to suck..."

* * *

Indeed it is, Leon. Indeed it is...

Sorry for the long delays. I'll try to update within the next weak, at least.

Thanks for reading!

-Agent HUNK


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